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Sith Handbook on Alien Encounters
}} The 'Sith Handbook on Alien Encounters' was a Sith-published book. A manual filled with ''What to do scenarios on encounters with the sentient and non-sentient wildlife throughout the galaxy. Studying this book would ensure your Powah. A *'Alderaanian': A Death Star will do just nicely. B *'Bunny': Dangerous individuals, promising them carrots might do the job. Otherwise, boil 'em in a pot. C *'Cabal': ....................................... Uhmmmm, oh yeah, There is no Cabal. *'Cat, Kitty, Feline, etc. species': Hopefully they'll all be dead after we destroy their planet. *'CIA':.............................. These beings are highly difficult to kill, being trained already in the arts of ninja. Best offence is a good defence, to reverse it. Guess the best attack is to confuse them by telling them they orchestrated JF Kennedy assassination; World Trade Centers, and then run. D *'Dalek': Guess your EXTERMINATED!!!! *'Dark Jedi': These individuals have tasted the Dark Side but are still EMOS. Use this weakness against them. They also make good (expendable) minions. *'Darth Elmo': Easy, just hide till he commits suicide, then you'll be safe! E *'Ewok': Make sure you have a golden protocol droid with you, they will treat him like a deity. If you don't have a golden protocol droid with you, run, just run and for god's sake don't look back or stop to rest. Just run until they catch up with you, roast you alive and eat you, Ewoks like having to chase their food. F *'Falleen': Easily Pwn@bl3, then make some nice boots out of them. Ladies' handbags are also fashionable and sell well. *'Feeorin': Prepare to repel boarders and send them to Davy Jones' locker. *'Fordo': Guess you're PWNed! *'Frog': Call Amphibian Immigration & Relocation to do this. G *'Gand': Get straight to the point, don't waste time on evil speeches. They're always just as silent as all the other corpses you left behind. *'Geonosian': Go lightsaber crazy! *'Gungan': Do not attempt a conversation with these creatures. Instead, Wipe them out, all of them. H *'Hippie': The first way to deal with them is by handing them some weed. The other, quicker and more... ahem... fun way is to hack'n'slash them big time! (They're usually too high to put up a fight anyway; if not, take advantage of their pacifism.) *'Hutt': Distract the target by throwing some credits onto the floor, then slash out with your lightsaber. Alternatively, strangle them with a chain whilst wearing an equivalent to Leia's slave costume. Health Warning: It is not advised to kill their rancors, as they are likely to throw you into a sarlacc, unless you are powerful enough to blow up their planet or a similar possession, like a moon. I *'Iridonian': Brainwash well, then tattoo them in red and black — they make great evil bad guys once they can swing a lightsaber. J *'Jawa': Buy a grinder from Czerka Corporation. Note: This method is strongly advised as you not only remove the offending (any) Jawa, you get to torture it to death. You also gain some Jawa Juice. *'Jedi': When encountering a Jedi a lot of options emerge, you can PWN them, corrupt them to the Dark Side, or if these options do not work for you, throw your lightsaber away, then tell the Jedi that you repent your crimes against the Force and that you want to return to the Light Side. The Jedi will then ask you a question to test you, for instance he will ask you what you think of that tree that's next to you, Reply that you LOVE the tree! The Jedi will now trust you. Wait for a good opportunity, then PWN this feeble-minded fool. K *'Kyle Katarn': Guess you're KATARNINATED! *'KHAAAN': Shout "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!!!" at the top of your lungs before being "KHAAAAAAAAAANNNATED!!!"! *'Kubaz': Feed them your slaughtered Verpine corpses and they'll be putty in your hands. Then fry them. L *'Luke Skywalker': This one is strong in the powwwwwwwaahh of survival. You must claim to be his father, chop off his hand and then run when he's not looking. M *'Mandalorian': Be nice to them, treat them with honor, then invite them to a friendly game of Mandalorian Roulette, make sure they win! *'Martians': When you encounter one of these, you know you have to lay off those death sticks because they don't freakin' exist! *'Mon Calamari': Lure them into a trap. *'Muun': How about this? N *'Neimoidian': Promise them they will be left in peace. Then leave them in pieces. O *Obi-Wan Kenobi: This is hard as he is very powerful for some reason beyond Sith knowledge. Try to wait until he is a weird, old crazy hermit then hire Darth Vader. P *'PWNers': There is no way to survive! *'Pau'an': Simply snap of their long, thin legs and arms then pummel their ugly faces and throw them down a sinkhole. Q *'Quarren': Pretend to be frightened by their tentacles (and especially the beak) then either turn them to the dark side or PWN the weird-looking bastards! R * Rakata: Pretend to be his friend, use the Force to extract from him any information regarding the location of the Star Forge, then use the Star Forge to build around a gazillion ships and use them to PWN the scum out of em! * Rodian: Just shoot first. S *'Sand People': Step one: Buy your apprentice's mother a nice trip to Tatooine. Step two: Make sure she visits the lovely Sand People, who will automatically Yo Mama her. Step three: Inform your apprentice of this and make him do all the dirty work. *'Supreme Chancellor': Step one: Hack into the Galactic Phone Company. Step two: Call Commander Cody. Step three: Tell him to execute Order 65. *'Other Sith': This is a difficult case, because they have this book as well. We advise you to use them to build an empire, and then kill them before they kill you. Otherwise, let them use you to build an empire, then kill them before they kill you and take over their empire. T *'Twi'lek': Be very careful with females! They might distract you from your abominable quest and you might fall to the Light side! As for the males, strangle the bastards with their own lekku. Or just feed them to some sort of viper. *'Teek': :#Keep your distance. Coming too close can be perceived as threatening. :#No bright lights. The Teek is paranoid and bright lights may cause them to react violently. :#Slow your speech, lower your voice. (Try to talk like Darth Vader) :#Slow your movements. The teek is paranoid and may misunderstand your movements. :#Keep your hands visible, or they may feel threatened and become violent. :#Keep the Teek talking. A Teek who falls silent can be extremely dangerous. Silence often means that his paranoid thoughts have taken over reality, and anyone present can become part of the Teek's paranoid delusions. :#Bryar Blaster. U *'Utai': Simply tread on these midgets and throw their bodies down a sinkhole. V *'Verpine': Slice them to pieces! Health Warning:Do not get the Killiks to help destroy any Verpine organisms. W *'Wookiee': In case of a Madclaw!, a deranged sub-species of Wookiees, use Option One or in extreme cases Option Two. Do not, I repeat NOT use Force Lightning. It singes their perms and makes them mad. X *'Xamster': Stick these rodent like reptillians in a hamster cage. Y *'Yarael Poof': Ceiling fan. *'Yuuzhan Vong': Just let them do the dirty work for you. Z *'Zann Consortium': Just get friendly with Jabba Desilijic Tiure... Category:Books Category:Sith